tOm glavine

ok everybody says mr. bravemet tom glavine will be last pitcher EVAH to reach 300 wins. wayward O was going over numbers and says it will happen again, verily, just not for about 10 years or maybe 15 until steroids are purged from system or at least re-marginalized to point where they don't hideously skew offensive output. anyway ... erik

BUH

DARD

is on pace for 287 wins in 2nd half alone.

nevermind tommy boy for moment wayward O will get back to him. there are MORE IMPORTANT questions about mets! for example:

question one: how come more teams don't have theme song like new york mets? and it IS great song. met fan at softball last night was going around singing it to torture yankee caps.

hot dogs, green gress all out at Shea
guaranteed to have a heckuva day!

couplet is particularly intriguing, as it is only team song in history to provide legal rights to fan, insuring heck of day and backing up with iron-clad money-back guarantee. in may wayward O went to stadium to watch mets vs. brewers and he was fully prepared to sue mets if he did not have heck of day but by all rights after game he could not in good conscience make legal claim that he did not have heck of day because in all honesty he did have heck of day. to recap:

heck of day = had

and that's just beginning of intrigue revolving around stanza of team song. here's more important follow-up question to question one:

question 1a: what will they do about shea lyrics when metsies move to CITIFIELD?

hotdogs, green grass all out at citi!
MON-ee back if day turns out to be shitty

or perhaps, in effort to "synergize" corporate ballpark tie-in...

hotdogs, green grass at citifield
your day will be like bond with high yield!

anyway Wayward O should like to hear from readers who perhaps have idea for new couplet involving mets new ball park. maybe they'll just go back to VAGUELY SEXIST ORIGINAL 1962 VERSION. which states:

Bring your kiddies, bring your wife,
Guaranteed to have the time of your life.

because everybody knows now that Queens is melting pots of many different values, cultures and creeds and not every mets fan has wife and kiddies.

oh. wait that is phillies fan. phigures. well he is more than welcome in METS NON-NUCLEAR FAMILY.

anyway, on to question 2: what would mets vs. red sox world series be like?

mets have best record in NL and pedro martinez probably coming back and red sox have picked up eric gagne and seem to be class of AL. so let's assume each team makes it to fall classic. that would be an AMAZING matchup and wayward O would hate to be in FIRST BASEMAN KEVIN YOUKILIS's shoes around Game 6. there would be SO MUCH HISTORY and SO MUCH WEIRD VIBES for him!

however since AL won all-star game, game six under such a scenario would take place in BOSTON instead of at SHEA. that would probably be MITIGATING FACTOR.

but red sox did not trade No. 46 Devern Hansack away to Texas ... instead dealing Kasey Gabbard ... this is significant because Reliever Bob Stanley, who was on mound covering first when the buckner play happened...

ALSO WORE NUMBER 46

so wayward O believes red sox nation can win world series in six games if they play mets in fall classic ONLY IF HANSACK IS NOT BROUGHT ON IN RELIEF.

in fact, wayward O issues fatwa to RED SOX NATION: must get hansack OFF ROSTER immediately otherwise post-season hopes preternaturally doomed!

wayward O has so many more questions today but he heard there is half-price special on stinkfruit on Canal Street and he must head into "CITI" with rumpled $10 spot to see if barter can be made.

congratulations mr. glavine and may OCTOBER be KIND TO YOU SIR!