Friday, December 28, 2007

nick markakis, meet marcel prOust

Wayward O was thinking of doing "year in baseball" post today but decided to focus on "year in Orioles Baseball" instead. Can you believe threshold for rememberance of indignities past? Wayward O is wrapping emotional tourniquet around psychic wounds, strapping on pain shield and taking ride in Battered & Brokebacked Orange and Black Wayback Jammy Pack ...

Come along for ride!

January - Wayward O is very shaky on January. He thinks team may have signed free agent pitchers or something. On Jan. 9, Cal Ripken Jr. elected into Baseball Hall of Fame. Team picks up Jeremy Guthrie from Cleveland off waiver wire.

Feb. 13 - Balloons fall! Small children dance with glee! Along the reeds of the cold-flowing Patapsco, a Baltimore Oriole takes flight! Wayward O launches WEB SITE!!!!!!!!

Feb. 20 - Miguel Tejada vows new attitude, saying, well you can read it here. If you weesh.

Feb. 22 - Baltimore sage Peter Schmuck, second only to JOE ANGEL in WEALTH OF KNOWLEDGE ABOUT TEAM, gets in fight with feral parrot at spring training complex and uses FROZEN BEVERAGE to soothe pain where bird bit NOTE-TAKING HAND.

Feb. 25 - Wayward O takes bite of Happy Apple, writing:

Os have balanced lineup with 5 or 6 guys who will hit 20 hrs ... tejada, mora,
huff, payton, the cake --- but do we lack the HULKING kent hrbek-like slugger
who casts a shadow like the mountain at sunrise? yes. but all is not lost.
March 22 - The Young Savior, Nick Markakis, hits two home runs in spring training tilt versus Los Angeles Dodgers and also pulls back would-be home run at wall in right. Sports Illustrated, Baseball Prospectus, and other big sports publications too many to count, say Orioles will finish fourth or last. Wayward O gets mad at them! But really he is only mad at self for optimism!!! Wayward O is like Achaean warrior, marching off to certain defeat on plains of Peloponnese, all the while refusing to accept fate; Wayward O's blood will run cold in winedark sea.

March 29 - V.P. of Baseball Ops Jim Duquette says team would "sign for .500 right now"; sets tone for what turns out of be another miserable season. Who said winning in AL East was easy? As we saw this year, however, Duquette would have comeuppance in form of demote-ance.

April 2-4 - Team begins 2007 campaign on wrong end of sweep at Minnesota. Ramon Hernandez, beset with mystery "oblique" ailment, refuses to play but resists DL. Team's backup catchers (Paul Bako and Alberto Castillo) are hitless in series versus Twins.

April 7 - It's going to be a long year for closer Chris Ray. Alex Rodriguez, on way to MVP season, belts Grand Slam off team's no-longer-inscrutable closer in 10-7 Yankees win. However, Orioles take rubber game next day, seemingly righting ship with series win in Bronx.

April 28 - Hapless Orioles manager needs alert coach's help to set straight poor umpire's decision after Young Savior's tag-up run is waved off by umpire in win at Cleveland. Indians play game under protest. Despite win, Sam Perlozzo's fate is sealed, though axe would not fall for many more weeks.

April 30 - Gary Sheffield goes toe to toe with big Daniel Cabrera during nasty one in Detroit. Sheff isn't big enough to fight Cabrera, so he does even better, taking Cabrera deep on the next at-bat in 8-4 Tigers win. Tejada gets into minor scuffle with Pudge Rodriguez after Jeremy Bonderman comes too far inside.

May 4 - Team shuts down "the Wing Man," aka Adam Loewen, for season because of stress fracture in pitching arm. Wayward O looks forward to return, someday. Maybe. Or maybe not. Who knows?

May 13 - Mother's day. Scrappy Orioles begin inevitable spiral into doom by blowing 5-0 ninth-inning lead in Boston, Massachusetts to eventual World Series Champions. Team's record falls to 18-20 and .500 disappears into the mists, not unlike fabled village of Brigadoon. Once again, Ray is on hill as disaster unfolds...

May 30 - Height of Mark Teixeira trade rumors ... but Tex ends up in Atlanta, probably through next year.

June 7 - Just added! Thanks to alert reminder from Birds of Prey forumers! With fifth pick in draft, team selects Georgia Peach Matt Wieters...

Wayward O catches historic moment on camera!

But negotiations with super-prospect cause great consternation. Many fans stake entire fandom on signing young catcher! Orioles and Wieters make a deadline deal in mid-August and everybody is happy! Major hope for future is built-in with signing.

June 18 - Five long weeks after Mother's Day Massacre, Sam Perlozzo is fired. Bullpen coach Dave TrembO is promoted to "Interim Manager." Negotiations with Joe Girardi fail, thank goodness. Trembley looks like Captain Kirk, has spark, Wayward O is at first disgusted but slowly grows intrigued.

TrembO channels Earl.

June 20 - Busy day! Doug Brocail breaks Miguel Tejada's wrist, jeopardizing short stop's run of 1,152 consecutive games in MLB and stalling team's deadline effort to trade star player.

Doug Brocail you @*&^!

Stubborn crazy Miggie tries to keep playing to no avail and finally takes seat on June 22. Apparently looking for things to grouse about, some members of DiaspOra get mad at TrembO after Miggie tries to stay in the lineup. Orioles end 9-game losing streak - all losses at Camden Yards - behind Jeremy Guthrie's 8 innings of road warrior. Team says Andy MacPhail is now calling shots; fanz have their doubts.

June 28 - With Derek Jeter at bat in driving rainstorm, umpire refuses to call game and Orioles get jobbed out of win versus hated Yankees. A month later, Orioles almost come back to win suspended game...

June 29 - Aubrey Huff hits for cycle in losing effort versus Anaheim Angels of Anaheim. An inspired Melvin Mora tries unsuccesfully to bunt for cycle.

Not so nice...

July 21 - No Mas! Chris Ray goes on 15-day DL, never to return.

July 31 - Erik Bedard outduels Josh Beckett in Boston, 5-3, as team finishes nice two-week period before heading into August swoon. Bedard officially becomes star MLB pitcher. We believe this was also game where Young Savior made following catch:

Ball. Player.

Aug. 12 - Team sticks it to Boston and Amber gets chilly shower with Kevin Millar! Wayward O catches image on camera and now Amber lives forever in blogosphere!

Icy Hot!

Aug 21. - DiaspOra mourns death of Wild Bill Hagy.

Aug. 22 - The blue period begins. Team loses to Texas Rangers by score of 30-3. TrembO named real Manager. Other losses during this period include 11-3 at home to Minnesota on 8/26; 15-8 at home to Tampa Bay on 8/27; 17-2 at Tampa Bay on 9/5; 18-6 at Angels on 9/12 and a couple other significant blOwouts, the most ignominious of which being...

Sept. 1 - Young Red Sox hurler Clay Buchholz no-hits Orioles during 10-0 win at Fenway. Pollyanna radio announcer Fred Manfra concedes team may not be heading for playoffs.

Sept. 4 - After a nightmarish year, Ray is placed on 60-day disabled list. He's likely done for 2008 as well. About a week later, on Sept. 12, fellow bullpen exploder Danys Baez climbs aboard the surgery train; we likely won't see him until 2009 either.

Sept. 22 - Markakis goes three-for-five with a walk and a home run in team's 11-9 win over Texas. Just another day at the park for the Young Savior, team's brightest light, who plays hard every day and finishes with 23 HRs, 112 RBI and a .300 BA. Nick's toils in Os-scurity get YouTube props from Os fan Natalie Black:

Need hanky after watching!

Sept. 29 - Cabrera runs win-loss record to 9-18 in meltdown at Yankee stadium. Team gives up a 10-spot in fourth on road to 11-10 loss.

October - Nothing of significance happens to team during uneventful month.

Nov. 6 - Fleet of new coaches comes on board in wake of TrembO / MacPhail housecleaning. Wayward O marvels at lack of Major League experience, prays for divine inspirations instead.

Nov. 13 - Drunky Huff provides week of entertainment after word of his Salty Dundalkness leaks out on Blogosphere. Orioles free agent waxes blue on such topics as drinking, ladies of the night, pleasuring self, and Baltimore's "horseshit" nightlife on Tampa Bay-based satellite radio show. Holier-than-thou Crabtown bloggers vent frustrations in Land of Pleasant Living but to Wayward O's ears it sounds like jealousy!

Clearly not on steroids.

Dec. 6 - Jay Gibbons suspended by baseball for 15 days beginning next season for hGH. GibbO admits he did it but says it was to heal up from injuries. Diaspora yawns.

Dec. 12 - Tejada is traded to Houston Astros for five doods. Also playing for Astros is Carlos Lee, who could have helped team during 2007 season. Free-spending Astros shelled out $100+ million for Lee, however, a sum not likely to be ever again matched for a free agent by Orioles. At press time it was unclear whether five doods acquired in Tejada trade would amount to hill of beans.

Dec. 13 - Tejada, Brian Roberts and Gibbons are key Orioles named in Mitchell report, investigating performance-enhancing drug use in sport. Roberts subsequently cops to using steroids ... once.

Dec. 21 - Roberts says he "likes the atmospheres" at Wrigley Field and makes reference to Bartman game. Will he be next to be shipped out of town?

That about sums up year! Please let Wayward O know what mOments he missed by using handy, easy-to-operate comments section below...



Anonymous bro said...

I love this team.
I can't wait for 2008.

O I also love the decoder-word on todays easy to handle comments section posta-roofus. It reads:

"q bug munz"

I think that's my Wu-Tang or som-in.

December 30, 2007 9:28 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

You forgot about Millah--while under contract--rooting for a hated divisional rival on national television. That made a wave or two in the Oriole Universe.

Also, can't Dempsey get love? He made some news himself, you know...

December 30, 2007 3:31 PM  
Blogger the wayward o said...

Millar throwing out ceremonial first pitch in Bawston ... good one!

December 31, 2007 9:16 AM  
Blogger Enchanting Sunshine said...

Brilliant! Awesome post! Glad I'm not the only one who knows who Proust is. Like the Markakis video too. He is beautiful.

Happy New Year!

December 31, 2007 9:20 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Any truth to the trade rumor: Fred Manfra and cash to SF for Jon Miller?
- Sponsort

December 31, 2007 10:37 AM  

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