post-tradematic stress disorder

the wayward O was going over the roster this weekend and -- with many and heartfelt apologies to aubrey huff -- was noticing that Os don't have a BIG BOPPER

• boston has manny and ortiz
• toronto has vernon wellz
• tampa has um that young kid who's gonna be a big star one day
• yankees have a-rodious maximus

Os have a balanced lineup with 5 or 6 guys who will hit 20 hrs ... tejada, mora, huff, payton, the cake --- but do we lack the HULKING kent hrbek-like slugger who casts a shadow like the mountain at sunrise?

yes.

but all is not lost. because we have a LOT OF YOUNG PITCHING AND OUTFIELD TALENT. and we are going to PULL THE TRIGGER on a BIG TRADE like we did a few years back to get

WAIT!!!!

STOP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

THE DREAMS!!!!!!!!!!!!!

they will not go away!!!!

mister angelos pleeeez don't trade any more of the kids it was bad enuf we sent maine to the mets for benson. maybe maine will be a harnish ... but WHAT IF HE'S A SCHILLING??????

WHO IS SCHILLING? IS IS MAINE? IS IT PENN? IS IT CABRERA? IS IT BEDARD? IS IS ADAM LOEWEN?

the baby birds are like little arrows haunting the wayward O's dreams.... keep them all. give them hot chocolate and as many marshmallows as they please. do whatever you can to keep them happy.

NO TRADESZZZZEEyAS

i think i need to go outside and see the sky. the planets. the natures. the trees. i will fly around the block six times and sit in the big oak tree to try and forget....

trembling...

miguel tejada is running up and down the bleachers like rocky

jay gibbons is taking extra fielding practice

brian roberts is finally healthy

corey patterson apparently slept on a park bench in lauderdale all winter he was so excited for the season

chad bradford is knuckle dragging

chriz gomez is bragging about his magic johnson gameworns

millar is cracking on everybody, hoping nobody notices a) his hair and b) how over the hill he is

kris benson swears he and steve trachsel were like 'ships in the night' at shea and promises to play baseball for years and years to come once they weld his arm back on

peter schmuck is listening to the parrots and pondering boredom, yankee spies and the bigger things in life

the manager says the Os will fight for a playoff spot

the hope is palpable. so is the fear

hongry to weeng

oh miguel.

miguel. miguel. miguel.

we couldn't have said it better ourself.

we're all very, very hongry to weeng.

"I'm going to be totally different. I'm going to be more on time. I don't want to say that I'm going to be the first one here, but every day, I'm going to be one of the first to get to the field. I'm hungry. I'm hungry to win and I'm going to try to do anything that I can to make this team win.

"To make the playoffs, you don't have to have nine superstars in the field. To make the playoffs, you just have to have nine guys that really believe and think about winning. Hungry to win. That's what I've got right now. I hope everybody thinks like this in here. I'm hungry to win with this team, and I hope it happens this year."

you couldn't dream up a guy like tejada in hollywood. and incidentally he's right. you don't need nine allstars. hungry to win, that's what you got to have some of. and it helps to be more on time. not necessarily the first one there; you're not going to be there ahead of the meat rookie who's trying to stay in the game. but you're probably going to be there well before BP starts and the lineup cards are exchanged. more on time. that's the secret of hungry to win.

say what you want about the Evil One: at least he signed tejada. imagine how bleak the last three years would have been without him.

mazzOne

rumor has it that hayden penn has ALREADY SHAVED his youthful moustache but from the what the wayward O understands about the teams facial-hair policy, moustaches are not taboo. is it possible hayden plans to trade in the "pushbroom" for the "waterfront"?

this baffling development led us to a wild bout of googling, and our curiously quickly turned to depression when we ran into this little nugget from june 25, 2005 in the washington post:

The Orioles have lost four of five and are out of first place for the first time since April 22. Meantime, the Red Sox have won 10 of 11.

featuring this heartbreaking photo of the moustachio-non moustachoied golden child!!!

how i remember that day. as a member of the diaspOra, i felt powerless against all the new york media types who for months had sanguinely predicted the birdies' downfall. and then we all had to LIVE IT. even though we know it didn't have to be that way ... bedard had a phantom injury and matos and lopez both had real injuries. and ... THE WAYWARD O DIGRESSES. let us not wallow in this bit of history.

who will take the golden child from the realm of young promise to the cold, hard reality of october? unlike john maine he's not likely to be traded, at least at this point, to the mets or another contenda. the answer?

the mazzone!!!!!!!!


if depth of experience and ampleness of backside has anything to do with success in the big leagues, which judging by the yankees and red sox it does, then he's got us covered. he will get penn to beef up, and leave his slender, youthful days behind, and win us some damn ballgamez!!!!

make ya do a double take

just when you think the wayward O has suffered enough, spring training starts.

and then there's this:



did the oriole bird just lick the foot of RAYMOND the TAMPA BAY DEVILRAY MASCOT?

MY EYES! THEY ARE BURNING !!!

and don't even get me started on erik bedard.

so many things happening!

the wayward o had a scary dream last night. he was in the nest of his childhood, except it was dilapated and threabare. and a huge thunderstorm was pelting the branches of his elm tree near hagerstown. he had to make it up the steps to find a prized possession but andy pettitte was somewhere in the nest, which is a duplex. except it wasn't really pettitte. it was a bible-carrying frankenstein, and he had a knife, and he was crashing about saying 'i will go 4-1 vs. baltimore this year' over and over again. i awoke and realized it was only a bad dream and horseface largebutt probably won't kill the Os like he has in previous years especially because...

HAYDEN PENN NOW HAS A MOUSTACHE AND AN ATTITUDE.

like if he had been trapped on jetblue like lee mazzilli was he would have been all, my boss is a SUPERLAWYER and i'm going to sue your airplane-driving a$$e$!

you might say well that's not much of a moustache and anyway horseface largbutt has a dimple chin and that's way more intimidating but IT'S A START and also Daniel Cabrera got TASER SURGERY on his eyeballz and he will be a force to be reckoned with as well.

and also you know who's all mad and stuff? steve trachsel! yeah the new york mets' year-in year-out whipping boy was shocked, SHOCKED to learn he may have to compete with the moustachioed golden child for a spot in the rOte. and he snarled at reporters like when dick cheney told pat leahy to grrrrr fuck off -- please excuse the expletive but when you're around the veep you have to expect fbombz -- anyway trax didn't drop any fbombz to our knowledge but he was all mad. part of the problem with the traxmeister is he never learned to control his emotions. hence the streakiness and hence the sad plight of an MLB veteran without a home who is still relatively young scrapping for a last spot on the rOte of a perennial 4th place squad.

BULLETIN: cal ripken jr. is on the fox five morning show in new york city and the fox 5 lady morning show anchor is a part of the diaspOra!!! and they're doing Os cal trivia!!!! and some guy she's competing against has a horn and she has a dingding!!! no LIE. oh her name is juliette and she won one of calz ballz!!! check back later for the Otube.

Update: The video is here. Watch Cal shrug and say how the congressional hearings on steroids "didn't go too well."

still in beta, thanks and getting closer....

hi Os fanzzzz!! thanks to darvin from wizznutzz a billion dollars for helping with the header graphic. t.w.o. still hasn't figured out how to kind of put it up there without basically klooghacking the google css sheet but you get the idea.

LOOK AT HIM. he has wandered too long. nine year in the cold with out a sniff of octOber. one day we shall return to the glorious lights and bask in tim mccarver's rambalingz. and Jeanne Zelasko with her funky hair do will be all "this is a team that has been dogged by CONTROVERSY" since the laywer with the GIANT Head bought it and turned it into an asbestOs removal project instead of removing asbestos we removed the heart and soul.

also WE HAVE DOGGEDLY UNCOVERED THE FACT that the washington post still actually covers the orioles even though the snoottiness of REMOVING Os from its SPORTS NAV is not lost and time shall not diminish the greatness of this ignOminy-ous betrayal!!!!!!

the WAYWARD O and the WAYWARD BRO hereby promise to shout OOOOh real loudlike at rfk during a Narts game anthem again in OH SEVEN.

making trax

how was a 15-8 pitcher just sitting around for the Os to snap up when kris benson decided he didn't feel like playing this year?

the wayward O finds it strange. but we'll take it. it's a wash; he's pretty much going to be just as good as benson would have been.

first pOst

the wayward oriole is in beta. but there are already so much things happening!

kris benson is tougher-outer. i liked him in the rote. not invincible, but definitely plays hard. steve trachsel has shown flashes of brilliance interspersed with long stretches of dulderness.