if the real wOrld applied

let's say you had a job at a struggling business. and you were an employee of several years' good standing and had a reputation for good work. but lately you were sort of slacking off a bit -- maybe you stopped caring a little -- and maybe you had a run-in with another employee or something. in other words, your golden-boy image had a little mud on the hubs.

then, noticing your unit's lack of performance, and unable to fire the whole staff, your boss was fired by the corporate bigwigs and replaced.

then a strange thing happened: everybody liked the new boss and wanted to do well by him. and sure enough the new boss came in and he was a fresh-faced winner. he energized the staff and there were a couple of good weeks. and your numbers came up a bit and wow you even beat the competition a few weeks; sold more widgets or what-have-you.

and a few weeks after that the big big boss came down from central HQ and gave a big speech about the new bossman. he said stuff like, 'well we weren't sure if jenkins was going to be the man for this job, but based on your feedback and his own performance, we think we've found him. we're pleased to announce jenkins has got the reins and he's the boss. we look forward to continued success.'

and everybody clapped and ate a slice of cake. and then later in the afternoon the company lost a big contract to the competition because the competition gave 30 reasons why it should have the account and your company gave only 3.

and then, right then, you called out sick three days in a row to go fishing and got caught in the pantry looking at digital photos of the girl who works in the next cubicle. and then after that you arrived unprepared for a big junket in toledo and ended up looking like a fool in front of the competition's sales staff.

and you got called into your "new" boss's office. what do you suppose would happen?

you'd get shitcanned

that's right. because your new boss would have plenty of political capital and he'd be desperate to clean the barnacles off his boat.

well, dear fans, none of that will happen to orioles players.

because they have big, guaranteed contracts.

this team is unwatchable and it's most depressing since word on the street is they weren't going to lay down.

wild bill hagy, 1939 -2007

Os fan. cab driver. rally savant. baltimore legend.

Sun photo by Paul Hutchins

memories pour in to roch's blog such as:

It was the realization that fans could actually be heard on the field if they
spoke with one voice that spawned the many chants that followed, all dreamt up
by Wild Bill. A couple favorites of mine "C'mon Ken - hit it in the bullpen" and
"C'mon Lowenstein - hit the Busch Beer sign." Every time the O's would get a new
player Bill would have to quickly come up with a new chant unique to that
player.

and

As a young black kid in the late 70's and teenager in the 80's I remember
WILD BILL, he was the reason why you brought tickets in the bleachers at
memorial stadium, to cheer with him, catch a ball, and support a team that
had alot of african-americam talent,I miss that about the O;s and the team
should put out his name on the wall around Camden Yards.

and from the Sun coverage:

If ever an out-of-town fan happened into his cab wearing a Yankees hat, he
ordered it removed. If the person refused, he refused the fare.

and

In 1985, Mr. Hagy began a boycott of Memorial Stadium because he was no longer allowed to bring his own beer in a cooler.

many props to sun for solid coverage!

interlOpers

much has been made lately -- and for years -- about boston and new york fans invading camden yards for their team's away games. but where there's been plenty of grousing, whining and finger-pointing, analysis has been lacking!

let's go through such facts as we can ascertain, not by any type of study but by years of watching and figure out what they REALLY MEAN.

FACT ONE: announcers on YES Network, NESN, MASN, and even FOX tend to OVERSTATE number of enemy fans relative to Os fans, saying things like "it seems like there are more boston fans here than Orioles fans." but they invariably use words like: "it seems," or "it feels like," or "judging by the noise."

ANALYSIS of FACT ONE: while enemy fans do show up in force, they do not ever outnumber the Os fans unless Os fans have left due to blowout conditions. they are, of course, very vocal -- because some of them have made large emotional and financial investment in trip to camden but more importantly because they are from BOSTON and NEW YORK, cities famous for loudmouths.

FACT TWO: announcers and analysts tend to OVERSTATE number of fans who have TRAVELED from boston or new york as opposed to fans who ACTUALLY LIVE IN DC/Balt. area. they will say things like, "boy there sure are a lot of fans who traveled here from boston today."

ANALYSIS of FACT TWO: while its true that many fans do make the expensive trek, especially from boston (where tickets are prohibitively scarce and expensive) wayward O says more of them simply LIVE IN AREA because they work for the fed. conversely, what resident of LAND OF PLEASANT LIVING in his RIGHT MIND would RELOCATE to NEW YORK or BOSTON for ANY REASON? ahem, besides wayward O of course... but wayward O can be seen at many Janqui games sporting the orange and black. wayward O is simply a statistical outlier. however, if federal gov't were located in NEW YORK there would by dint of history by MANY FANS OF OTHER TEAMS IN NEW YORK. it stands to reason...

FACT THREE: baseball organizations seem to succeed and fail in LONG CYCLES. there are some weird exceptions, such as the florida marlins. but overall this trend is a powerful one. while yankees were in LOW EBB during early / mid 80s, orioles were thriving. now with Boston and Yankees both enjoying HIGH TIMES, with the AL East being a zero sum for success, other teams will BY DEFINITION not enjoy post-season success.

ANALYSIS of FACT THREE: if Orioles get good and win AL East for a few years, fan base will be energized, seats at camden will be harder to get and, conversely, seats in boston and bronx will be easier to get. more Os fans would be seen in other places. it's simple thermOdynamics and it has NOTHING TO DO WITH FANS HEART OR LACK THEREOF. many people have accused Orioles fans of lacking heart, a baseless claim if ever there was one.

FACT FOUR: espn, sadly the current 800-pound gorilla of the sports world, is BLATANTLY RACIST against Orioles. this is because ESPN staffers are preponderantly RED SOX and YANKEE fans. as we know, ESPN is based in Bristol, Ct., midway between YANKEE and RED SOCK sphere of influence. and while sports reporters tend pay lip service to objectivity, we know for a fact they are mostly JOCK SNIFFERS and love it when their own team wins.

wayward Oriole is not going to get into posting multiple examples of ESPN's anti-Oriole, anti-Blue Jay bias, because doing such research is too depressing, but he will give one recent example. in this ESPN story orioles ace erik bedard is...

Asked whether he would consider playing in New York, with one of the
toughest and biggest media corps [...]

"I don't know," he says.

think about it. of all questions ESPN could ask of our star pitcher and / or write about, they decide to hype possibility of him leaving baltimore for new york. this is just one of a thousand similar slights to baltimore at the hands of ESPN, the worldwide leader in bias.

ANALYSIS of FACT FOUR: many players and fans are not savvy enough to see this for what it is and after while they tend to believe the propaganda and simple assume that in new york and boston, water faucets flow with champagne and the streets are paved with chocolate. it is up to Orioles fans -- true orioles fans -- to RESIST THE PROPAGANDA. this is incidentally also reason why mike mussina will go down in oriole history as a GREAT TRAITOR to the cause.

CONCLUSION: wayward O submits to the diaspOra that, given what we now know about UNDERLYING CONDITIONS, we certainly should not be surprised about lots of enemy fans at camden. nor should we overstate their actual presence. nor should we fingerpoint at fellow Os fans. nor should we TURN DOWN ENEMY FANS' MONEY as it will help Orioles compete -- baseball gOds willing -- one fine day.

diaspOra, part 3

Location: Yankee Stadium, near bleachers entrance
Status: Os fan
Gear Choice: Simple, classic, hot-weather Ripken 8 tee
Wayward O Says: Even angry, snarling Yankee fans respect Cal
Quote: Unavailable

Location: Near Gate 6, home plate entrance, Yankee Stadium
Status: Os fans
Gear Choice: Assorted tee shirts, visors, hats
Wayward O Says: Traveling in numbers in enemy territory provides protection
Quote: 'Let's Go Os!'

prOud

it's days like this that make wayward O proud to be fan of team.

millar sticks it to red bastards and gets icy hot shower with amber!

eat it boston!

tainted lOve

before wayward O goes into saga regarding last night's strange win over bostons, wayward O wants everyone to know that...

WAYWARD O IS FUGITIVE FROM LAW

that's right. when joyous moment of rick ankiel's home run came thursday night, wayward O put it up on the youtubinous whompers for all baseball fans to regard with joy. and many did. after just 12 hours more than 800 had view hideous-quality video of pitcher-turned-outfielder's unlikely comeback & home run.

but then a few hours later wayward O's corporate offices received following warning from youtubinous whompers:

Dear Member:

This is to notify you that we have removed or disabled access to the
following material as a result of a third-party notification by MLB Advanced
Media claiming that this material is infringing:

Rick Ankiel Goes Yardy Yard

Please Note: Repeat incidents of copyright infringement will result in
the deletion of your account and all videos uploaded to that account. In order
to avoid future strikes against your account, please delete any videos to which
you do not own the rights, and refrain from uploading additional videos that
infringe on the copyrights of others. For more information about YouTube's
copyright policy, please read the Copyright Tips guide.

If you elect to send us a counter notice, please go to our Help Center
to access the instructions.
Be aware that there may be adverse legal
consequences in your country if you make a false or bad faith allegation of
copyright infringement by using this process.

Sincerely,
YouTube, Inc.

see how much trouble wayward O is in? at least they were nice and said, "sincerely."

now about last night... fans rip team -- yes this is everyday occurrence everywhere sports are played. but how often does team rip fans?

after not-so-memorable win last night versus boston red sox (win that brings yankees ever-closer to octOber wayward O might add) two key orioles called out fans, suggesting there is lack of love for team.

this is what manager dave trembO said:

"The only negative thing I can say is, shame on the people who left. They missed
one of the great comebacks that's been coming around here for a long time. Maybe these guys tonight earned a little bit respect, that maybe the people will stick around and watch them. I said all along that it'll take us to go the extra mile
to get people back on our side here, and I think tonight might have been a step
in the right direction for that to happen."

and this is what brian roberts said:

"I don't know why so many Red Sox fans want to be here and Oriole fans don't."

and he also said:

"You'd just like to have the support of our fans. We have a pretty darn good
team. When we win, I know people will come out. But it would nice if they came
out to support us when we're in the process of developing a winning team."

and he said and said and said some more. basically he went off. and you could read it all here.

wayward O should like to respond by saying to roberts and trembley that wayward O's yearning to watch only team wayward O has really ever cared about win borders on unhealthy and wayward O loves it when team wins very much.

if only there was more of it.

also, wayward O does not see fans as culprit here. he says this as the Evil One playing everyday joes against his own organization in stubborn effort to prove stupid point about Washington Nationals and new team's financial effect on Orioles.

wayward O should also like to say for shit's sake wayward O started entire fan blog and never ever leaves ballpark early when he travels 250 miles to watch ballgame. otherwise how would wayward O be able to say he saw team lose at home? wayward O should like to hear reader's opinions about what they think about roberts' and trembO's comments.

regarding the game itself here is what wayward O learned:

• matzusaka isn't all that
• gagne is terrible; rangers pulled wool over red sox eyes
• tike redman is kind of fun to watch
• erik bedard is crazy ill on the mound (this we knew)

wayward O guesses that's it.

redemptiOn

wayward O was tired of watching Orioles lose to Mariners so he decided to watch Rick Ankiel and Cardinals play against Padres.

Ankiel's first two at-bats were pretty ugly looking strikeouts. But in bottom of 7th he came up with two men on and Wayward O had funny feeling something was about to happen so Wayward O fired up the silly old phone video deal.

Sure enuf...



Wayward O was so excited to see this dood hit home run. But he looks like another strikeout king in training, truth be told. And please please please don't ask him to throw a curveball.

Video quality is so hideous!! It reminds Wayward O of 0-21 season in 1988 -- same level of hideousness. But you get idea!

tOm glavine

ok everybody says mr. bravemet tom glavine will be last pitcher EVAH to reach 300 wins. wayward O was going over numbers and says it will happen again, verily, just not for about 10 years or maybe 15 until steroids are purged from system or at least re-marginalized to point where they don't hideously skew offensive output. anyway ... erik

BUH

DARD

is on pace for 287 wins in 2nd half alone.

nevermind tommy boy for moment wayward O will get back to him. there are MORE IMPORTANT questions about mets! for example:

question one: how come more teams don't have theme song like new york mets? and it IS great song. met fan at softball last night was going around singing it to torture yankee caps.

hot dogs, green gress all out at Shea
guaranteed to have a heckuva day!

couplet is particularly intriguing, as it is only team song in history to provide legal rights to fan, insuring heck of day and backing up with iron-clad money-back guarantee. in may wayward O went to stadium to watch mets vs. brewers and he was fully prepared to sue mets if he did not have heck of day but by all rights after game he could not in good conscience make legal claim that he did not have heck of day because in all honesty he did have heck of day. to recap:

heck of day = had

and that's just beginning of intrigue revolving around stanza of team song. here's more important follow-up question to question one:

question 1a: what will they do about shea lyrics when metsies move to CITIFIELD?

hotdogs, green grass all out at citi!
MON-ee back if day turns out to be shitty

or perhaps, in effort to "synergize" corporate ballpark tie-in...

hotdogs, green grass at citifield
your day will be like bond with high yield!

anyway Wayward O should like to hear from readers who perhaps have idea for new couplet involving mets new ball park. maybe they'll just go back to VAGUELY SEXIST ORIGINAL 1962 VERSION. which states:

Bring your kiddies, bring your wife,
Guaranteed to have the time of your life.

because everybody knows now that Queens is melting pots of many different values, cultures and creeds and not every mets fan has wife and kiddies.

oh. wait that is phillies fan. phigures. well he is more than welcome in METS NON-NUCLEAR FAMILY.

anyway, on to question 2: what would mets vs. red sox world series be like?

mets have best record in NL and pedro martinez probably coming back and red sox have picked up eric gagne and seem to be class of AL. so let's assume each team makes it to fall classic. that would be an AMAZING matchup and wayward O would hate to be in FIRST BASEMAN KEVIN YOUKILIS's shoes around Game 6. there would be SO MUCH HISTORY and SO MUCH WEIRD VIBES for him!

however since AL won all-star game, game six under such a scenario would take place in BOSTON instead of at SHEA. that would probably be MITIGATING FACTOR.

but red sox did not trade No. 46 Devern Hansack away to Texas ... instead dealing Kasey Gabbard ... this is significant because Reliever Bob Stanley, who was on mound covering first when the buckner play happened...

ALSO WORE NUMBER 46

so wayward O believes red sox nation can win world series in six games if they play mets in fall classic ONLY IF HANSACK IS NOT BROUGHT ON IN RELIEF.

in fact, wayward O issues fatwa to RED SOX NATION: must get hansack OFF ROSTER immediately otherwise post-season hopes preternaturally doomed!

wayward O has so many more questions today but he heard there is half-price special on stinkfruit on Canal Street and he must head into "CITI" with rumpled $10 spot to see if barter can be made.

congratulations mr. glavine and may OCTOBER be KIND TO YOU SIR!

crazy like a fOx

not big post with world-beating perspicaciousness today from wayward O; merely note for trembO supporting decision to make baez closer -- manager sees bullpen in tatters under any other scenariO and essentially puts it on his player to step up.

a solid decision that shows manager is in touch with reality as Orioles try to parlay their newfound sense of pride into an inspirational stretch run that, if it continues to succeed, will

• get team stoked for 08 playoff bid, and
• make it clear to free agent batters baltimore isn't black hole
• define danys' future role with team

here's hoping danys baez finds form that made him tempting as a free-agent buy in first place.

abOut last night...

Wayward O was surprised the papes didn't mention last night was Orioles first return to Fenway since MOTHER's DAY MIRACLE MASSACRE. Apparently team forgot too. After loss to Yankees, Orioles went up to Boston and handed out some more pain to division leaders.

Game was Os at their best; from opening pitch home run off bat of the Diminutive Dazzler to Jamie "Grizzly Juice" Walker's save it was a tense affair but Baltimores weren't fazed, crazed or dazed. Wayward O was so excited about win he um took a spin around Internets and found a few photos from Associated Press to display here. Wayward O loves Associated Press! He feels guilt about displaying these picture but excited dwarfs shame right now!!

TrembO is dead ringer for Shatner

Bedard was all sick but still nasty

Corey is vacuum cleaner in CF


Manny is goofball!

There were so many more tidbits from last night to savor. How about the Young Savior going two rows deep in stands near Pesky Pole and stealing foul ball from like eight Red Sox fans? How about effective performances from Rob Bell and Chad Bradford?

How about Danys Baez not being in ballpark at all? Coincidence? Wayward O asks you...