"cooperstown ... we have a problem!"

coming soon to the vegas strip ... baseball's two-member HALL OF NOTORIETY.

wayward O can see the invite now...*

game's ALL-TIME GREATEST HITTER
JOINS
game's ALL-TIME GREATEST SLUGGER
for
COCKTAILS, COMMENTARY & INDIGNATION

and there they shall sit and tell the people ... one by one ... on RETAIL BASIS ... about how AMERICAN PASTIME left them BY WAYSIDE for sins men commit on REGULAR BASIS.


and together, mark wayward O's words, FEATS SLOWLY WILL BEGIN TO OUTWEIGH TRANSGRESSIONS until baseball itself, and its SWORDED & SHIELDED PROTECTORS shall slowly begin to look like fools.


Buncha stuffed shirts
running things now, eh Ty?* to be issued soon after mr. bonds clears up his, um, current legal troubles

hOlier than aubrey

baltimore examiner story seems to have aubrey quote that set off nation of clean-living orioles fans!

Huff was asked about [the city of] Baltimore’s respect towards the team, in
comparison to Tampa, where Huff spent the better part of seven seasons.

“It is [respected] because it’s an older organization. It’s got some
pride, but what a horse[shit] city,” Huff said. “The way we’re playing we’re
going to have as many fans as in Tampa.”

how dare aubrey note how:

• orioles, himself included, aren't playing well
• fans aren't coming anymore
• team has long, proud history
• turnaround better happen soon

yes, yes. aubrey was not as clean and sober as you'd like him to be, especially given PURITANICAL NATURE of team's fan-base. and perhaps he could have been more articulate. but nevermind that. Os fans are totally telling on him! they will not rest until andy macphail trades infielder to another team for ... well ... a case of red bull?

throw him in the tub!

IF HE SINKS, HEEEEZAAAA WITCH!

maybe this will be lynchpin, fulcrum, moment in time, that propels team into a true rebuilding cycle. if it is, then aubrey-as-fall guy is a small price to pay. after all brian roberts hit .290 whereas aubrey only hit .280! and b-rob, for example, was probably sober THE WHOLE TIME and NEVER looked at adult entertainment THE WHOLE TIME!

and that is what matters most about baseball -- just ask manny ramirez and hideki matsui.

hOw they came here

weird people on internet! look at top searches that found t.w.O.!



'dirty moustache' ... wayward O can kind of live with. but 'molly ringwald'?

salty dundalk-ness!

ORIOLES OFF-SEASON GETTING INTERESTING!

wnst media empire, TRYING TO MAKE MARK ON CRAB-TOWN, has major aubrey huff scoop: aubrey LIKES LADIES and BOOZE and HE'S NOT AFRAID TO ADMIT IT, especially after a couple well-poured vodka-red bullz! Also Aubrey Huff SWEARS.

for sake of background, aubrey went on satellite radio stern wanabe show in florida, apparently after one too many 'drunky pours,' and kind of made ass of self. you can even see part of it here. But you must first watch ad for "best adult clip site on Internet," so be warned.


.280 hitter while hungover
best/worst quote from video on bubba site: "aubrey took off his shirt!"

aubrey goes on to talk about drinking, marriage, life on the road, and other important baseball SUBDRAMAS, in very candid manner, often employing colorful, four-letter words. but all the while he reminds us, he's now married, and EVEN ASKS RADIO HOST FOR DESIGNATED DRIVER!

story probably would have died there, but WNST is on it like NEW YORK YANKEES on TALENTED BALTIMORE FREE AGENTS, with -- *gasp* -- curse-laden transcripts and many blog posts.

wnst blogger, under headline, "Aubrey Huff Is a Liar," writes:

Let me first say that I’m no prude. From adult entertainment to nude women
to pornography, it’s not for me to judge. I’m a libertarian of the highest
order. I like sex and naked women as much as anyone. And I have no particular
problem with the use of profanity or locker room talk. I have my own salty,
Dundalk-ness, which most anyone would confirm.

But, that said, how STUPID can Aubrey Huff be to come on the air and
discuss how much he loves to masturbate in his hotel room?

then goes on to say:

It makes locker room talk look sanitized, to be honest with you. It’s a BRUTAL
display of arrogance and lack of accountability for what he does for a living

so which way do they want it? BOTH WAYS. they want to ride aubrey to RATINGS HEAVEN! apparently, too, fellas at WNST feel like it's perfectly OK for REGULAR GUYS to go check out DUNDALK STRIPPERS as long as one isn't a RICH BASEBALL PLAYER!

but nevermind all the stripper stuff. Aubrey's most CONTROVERSIAL comments are about game itself. specifically about being STUDENT OF GAME:

The guys that are studying -- it’s bullshit. See ball, hit ball. You know what I
mean? You’ve done it your whole life. You see the ball, you hit it. All this
studying? Honestly, you’re gonna look at a piece of, a TV? And say this guy,
this guy is going to throw me this way? No, he might throw you a different way!
Who cares? Just see it and hit it!

in other words ... Aubrey is a NATURAL. and also aubrey defies other players to truthfully claim they spend all day on road looking at film. so, is wayward O to believe that CAL RIPKEN JR. was actually watching BURLESQUE ENTERTAINMENT all the while he said he was studying the opposing pitcher in his high-dollar road suites??? what would SR. say? probably something like this ...


Let's hit Whispers in Dundalk
after this horsesh*t is over...
well -- WNST claims not to be judging, so wayward O will: Aubrey is Wayward O's new hero. Wayward O is kind of tired of holier-than-thou baseball players who play fast and loose with scriptures and says ... SCORE ONE FOR BULL DURHAM!

maybe aubrey will finally find his "truth" on baseball diamond, too, and start hitting!


if orioles ever DO TRADE HUFF as result of blue tirade, send him to HOUSTON ASTROS or TEXAS RANGERS for some PERSPECTIVE on GREAT MARXIAN BASEBALL DIALECTIC: JESUS or HOOKERS...


There's more than one way
to get to third base!
and to WNST, just remember what the J-Man says: JUDGE NOT, LEST YE BE.

an illustrated guide tO disaster

a good friend and relative of wayward O, who is brilliant baseball mind, places fulcrum of disaster for team's last three years of futility squarely in weeks after miguel tejada signed big contract -- when star short stop along with rest team FAILED TO ENTICE star expos free agent right-fielder to come to crabtown.

vladdy g. in those days was not shy about reason for snub:

NOT ENOUGH LATINO CULTURE IN LAND OF PLEASANT LIVING!!!

to wit:

fig. a.


fig. b

at top please see fig. a.: scrumptious crabcake sandwich. oh my it makes wayward O's mouth water! to be found in abundant quantities all along shores of chesapeake bay region! beneath, please see fig. b.: fish tacos. no less sublime in level of deliciousness! but very abundant in land of southern california, where angels play the baseball!

it's not like vladdy is alone. no less a player than aubrey huff thinks baltimore is a "horsesh*t town," albeit for different reasons. wayward O says every person will have opinions about every city; and each comes from a different place. that is what human diverse-city is all about! nevertheless, we are about to say goodbye to most talented oriole to take field since roberto alomar!


say what you will about tejada's mental states, or leadership skills ... to wayward O it makes no difference! it was great to watch miguel go to work everyday. and it's sad to see him on the way out. he put up huge numbers in baltimore, even during off year.

more nauseating still is concept of watching miggy beat crap out of Orioles for next two years as a yankee. disgusting. it will be hard pill to swallow for Wayward O, whose loyalties to team have been battered and beaten.

many Os fans on blogs and elsewhere seem to regard tejada and melvin mora as SAME PERSON. wayward O would love to see mora traded, if possible, to another team. but tejada and mora are vastly different. losing mora would mean little, whereas losing tejada, especially within confines of AL EAST, would likely cement team inside tomb of losing for at least three more years.

so wayward O asks team with most utmost of fervor: Please, if you ship Mr. Tejada out of town, please make sure he goes far, far away!

as for integrating latin cultures in land of pleasant living, well, this is a start. or is it? in the meantime, think of how many things would be different had team managed to sign guerrero:

1) young savior would be in LEFT FIELD
2) team would have been in playoffs at least once since '05
3) team would have been able to sign top-line pitching; though this might have been disastrous, as yankees have learned with kevin brown, cory lidle, randy johnson and mike mussina
4) entire FO would probably still be intact

well, no sense crying in one's leche derramada. let's move on to another dreary offseason for once-proud franchise.

are yOu experienced?

here is something um, interesting, about four of the five newest additions to Orioles' coaching staff:

dave trembley, manager, total MLB games played: 0
david jauss, bench coach, total MLB games played: 0
rick kranitz, pitching coach, total MLB games played: 0
allen dunn, bullpen coach. total MLB games played: 0

as for a fifth addition to staff:

tbOne shelby, first base coach. total MLB games played: 1,036

does wayward O have that right? can this be a good thing? maybe! wayward O, for example, knows MANY THINGS ABOUT BASEBALL, despite fact that he has NEVER PLAYED A MAJOR LEAGUE GAME!

since you asked, dear reader*, the two coaches who will survive from the 2007 campaign, 3rd base coach juan samuel and hitting coach terry crowley, have 1,720 and 865 games' worth of experience, respectively, in the majors.

just how major is orioles' overhaul? in addition to the above changes, baltimore sun says:

[Dave] Trembley still is looking to add coaches to serve as bullpen catchers and throw batting practice after Sammy Snider, Rudy Arias and Orlando Gomez were not asked back

when the BP coach gets fired, that's an overhaul!

* wayward O making this up. you did not, in fact, ask

metaphOr

this made wayward O think of favorite baseball team!



unlike Orioles crashes, however, there were no serious injuries in this crash!