dingety dingety dang dOing

wayward O doubts he can write 162 haikurls for team but here is haikurl for opening day:

guthrie gets the squeeze
as the lost season begins
warning-track power
drive safe! have pleasant evening...

ps. the Nats are 2-0

audiOfile, part 3

a little drive-by truckers for ol' no. 31...

when it comes your time to go, ain't no good way to go about it
ain't no use in thinkin' bout it, you'll just drive yourself insane
there comes a time for everything and the time has come for you
shut your mouth and get your ass on the plane

[listen]

farewell, jay, and may the years be kind to you.


Happier Times: Gibbons connects

yOur starting lineup

It's shameful that TIKE REDMAN has to leave team today. But team is lucky he cleared waivers, in Wayward O's opinion...

Brian Roberts - 2B
Melvin Mora - 3B
Nick Markakis - RF
Kevin Millar - 1B
Aubrey Huff - DH
Ramon Hernandez - C
Luke Scott - LF
Adams Jones - CF
Luis Hernandez - SS
Jeremy Guthrie - SP

Could be worse. And if Luke Scott flubs a few more ballz in left, you'll be seeing Tike soon enough.

befOre and after

wayward O has been talking about lost season for couple weeks now. and in process of doing so has been for some time looking for GRAPHICAL REPRESENTATION to ILLUSTRATE how team of today will be transformed tomorrow.

wayward O also likes polar bears very much and he was reading story about knut and he found picture that proves that KNUT is METAPHOR for TEAM.


Palooka Team of Today =====> Scary Team of Tomorrow
It is selfish to be sure, but why would Brian Roberts want to go to CUBS when Orioles Are CUB POLAR BEAR right now and soon will grow up to be a cold-blooded October Seal-Eating Machine. Does Esskay Hotdogs (available in Meet, Beef or Chicken) make a BLUBBER DOG? Incidentally, Superblogger ROCK KUBATKO reports that Camden Yards will have STEAKUM BURGERS this year to compliment BEER And DIP N DOT selection.

How is it possible not love Baltimroe Orioels?

diaspOra, part 6

names: unknown
location: tha bee-dub, aka I-295, on way to game
status: Os fans
gear of choice: video camera, packed cooler
quote: 'this is going on youtube! [maniacal laughter]'


wayward O says: this is a very special diaspora post. one day I-295 will also be re-named RUNWAY OF DESTINY as team prepares to reclaim glory after lost season rebuilding phase is complete. traffic jams like this one will be commonplace as adoring fans stream northward from NATS COUNTRY to see Orioles, aka, THEIR FIRST LOVE, in action versus OTHER BASEBALL TEAMS.

meat, beef Or chicken

wayward O asks diaspora for some help today. he is baffled by esskay radio ad in which following claim is made:

"oriole hot dogs, available in meat, beef or chicken."

is not chicken meat?

is not beef meat?

if beef and chicken are not meat, what is meat?

sign jOhn up!

so Wayward O was going over Barack Obama's private passport file a couple days ago, just to you know see what the young man was all about.

NOT TRUE! but this is true! washington nationalz are stupid!

narts released john patterson. he is good pitcher!

he will be yankee! no wait. he lost some velocity ... he is a CRAFTY RIGHT-HANDER.

HE WILL BE ROCKIE. ROCKY. A ROCKY.

HE WILL BE A ROCKIE!

HE WILL BE MEMBER OF COLORADO ROCKIES!

orioles need this guy to help team navigate shoals of lOst season.

cOrey

Have you ever been mugged by a fond memory? Or perhaps stopped in your tracks by the stylized notion of a not-so-found memory as shaped by the fact that the past, while less-than-perfect, was nevertheless witnessed on a fine summer's day?


Don't go toward the light!
Today Wayward O misses Corey Patterson's wild fannings at the plate and fearless leapings in the field. Hear's hoping the crazy b@st@rd takes RYAN FREEL's JOB in Cincy!

mlb playOffs preview

Well Wayward O spent last six daze going team by team. Let's see what we came up with:

AL Division Winners -
Central: Tigers
East: Red Sox
West: Angels

AL Wild Card -
It's between Mariners, White Sox and Indians. It's the White Sox!

NL Division Winners -
Central: Cubs
East: Braves
West: Diamondbacks

NL Wild Card -
It's the usual NL scrum with a buncha teams in the mix. It's between Dodgers, Brewers, Mets, Phillies, Pad... etc. It's the, the ... oh this is tough ... it's probably going to be the Dodgers.

ALCS -
Tigers beat Red Sox

NLCS -
Brain says Diamondbacks beat Dodgers. Heart says Cubs beat Dodgers!

Your World Series Champion -
Tigers

divisiOn preview - AL Central

Wayward O's randomizer ISN'T NEEDED TODAY because ONLY ONE DIVISION LEFT to PREVIEW! It seems fitting that final division preview is probably most interesting division, with most talent.

CHICAGO WHITE SOX: Two guys seem to stand out as keys to the White Sox season: Nick Swisher and John Danks. Swisher - finally playing on a contender - will be in center field and probably will bat lead-off. But last year in Oakland he only had three stolen bases and his on-base percentage was a paltry .380. Meanwhile, Danks coughed up a 6-13 record with a 5.50 ERA. Can these two guys get going in the right direction?

CLEVELAND INDIANS: Most amazing thing about 96-win Indians in 2007: Only one regular -- catcher Victor Martinez -- hit above .300. Fausto Carmona has 20 career wins ... 19 of them came last year. Can he avoid a sophomore slump? Past performance is not guarantee to future success.

DETROIT TIGERS: Best outfield in MLB. Best infield in MLB. Best catcher in MLB. Ummm... yeah, probably first or second-best rote in MLB. Can this team surpass the 1984 Tigers, who racked up 104 wins and won World Series? Wayward O doesn't see why not.

KANSAS CITY ROYALE: Sure. Whatever. How 'bout that Brian Bannister? 12-9 with a 3.87 ERA in KC last year. Over last three years, the Royales improved their win totes, with 56, 62, and 69 wins. Here's to cracking 70 in 2008.

MINNESOTA TWINS: Torii Hunter and Johan Santana are gone. Franciso Liriano, fresh off elbow surgery, isn't fooling anybody this spring. Seems like Twins have raised white flag for 2008 in hopes of building a young, cheap contender for 2009. But Wayward O doesn't entirely rule out a surprise run this year. Can Justin Morneau and Joe Mauer carry team toward surprise Wild Card bid?

Predicted Order of Finish:
Tigers
Indians / White Sox *
Twins
Royale

* wild card contenders

divisiOn preview - NL East

Today Wayward O will give you the dope on the NL East. this is good timing because yesterday Pedro M. pitched simulated game in Mets camp. and he looked quite healthy and well-fed. This is toughest division to handicap ... and Wayward O has surprise, sort of, team returning to October action.

ATLANTA BRAVES: John Smoltz. Mike Hampton. Tom Glavine. Tim Hudson. You'd think that would be a playoff rotation. Perhaps it is, but they downgraded on offense, specifically in center field and short stop. Can Brian McCann, the young catcher, hit .300 with 30 home runs? Wayward O says yes and sees them throttling their rivals this summer with Mark Teixiera putting up huge numbers at first base.

FLORIDA MARLINS: It's gonna be a long summer down at the fish fry. They have a talented pair, Hanley Ramirez and Dan Uggla, manning the middle infield. And they got a lot of kids back in the trade with Detroit. But two of their promising starting pitchers are dinged up and questionable for April. It's a long way down from there barring the emergence of some phenom. Will they be worst team in majors?

NEW YORK METS: There is TV ad in New York where scantily clad woman dances around singing "Lemme lemme upgrade." Wayward O isn't sure what ad is about but it reminds him of how the 2007 Mutts reacted after collapse. They upgraded ... changing out Glavine for Johan Santana ... but they're old at first base with Carlos Delgado and in right field with Moises Alou. Is Carlos Beltran healthy enough to play full season and produce? Wayward O predicts last year's debacle will motivate team to overcome inevitable injuries and push for Wild Card.

PHILADELPHIA PHILLIES: This might seem weird, but if Jamie Moyer manages to hang around for a couple three more years, he might start getting some HOF consideration. Can Shane Victorino, who moves from right field to center, handle his new role? Geoff Jenkins in right provides some extra pop in the lineup but the starting rotation is ... meh.

WASHINGTON NATIONALS: The Nats have cornered the market on troubled ball players by signing Dmitri Young (drugs), Elijah Dukes (women, guns) and Lastings Milledge (cuss words). Perhaps the thinking is these guys will help one another stay out of trouble. How can you not root for John Patterson? Look for deadline trades involving Wily Mo Pena and Nick Johnson as team alleviates logjams in right field and first base and tries to retool for an '09 playoff bid.

Predicted Order of Finish
Braves
Mets/Phillies *
Nationals
Marlins

* wild card contenders

divisiOn preview - NL Central

Today's roll came up a five, which, per the piece of paper on Wayward O's desk, means Wayward O shall give you all the haps on intriguing NL Central. Before we do that, Wayward O will ask same damn question he asks every year:

Why are there six teams in this division and only four in the AL West? It's patently unfair. Why does baseball ignore these blatant and glaring issues year-in and year-out? (See steroids). Why don't the Milwaukee Brewers sue the league? Oh wait. Bud Selig is the commish.

With Art Monk finally in the NFL Hall of Fame the above is officially the great remaining sports injustice. And now with out further ado, a question for each team in the NL Central...

CHICAGO CUBS: Testicular torsion. Irregular heartbeats. What weird ailment will strike them next? Wayward O predicts a bout of OCTOBERITIS. There's only one cure. You must get acupuncture with Jeannie Zelasko's chopstick hairpin from Fox set, circa 2005, under a harvest moon in Illinois wheat field where Abe Lincoln once smoked weed. Either that or win World Series.

CINCINNATI REDS: Medium talent everywhere. Depth chart has fan favorite Ryan Freel starting in center field. But papers have him on the trading block. Are the Reds lost at sea in a division with six teams? Yes. Ohhhh yes. This is what Wayward O is talking about.

HOUSTON ASTROS: Doug Brocail broke Miguel Tejada's wrist last year, ending Tejada's impressive iron-man streak. Now they're on same team. Wayward O sees a team that thinks it got better, but which actually got worser. Can Michael Bourn handle center field in a tricky ballpark?

MILWAUKEE BREWERS: They upgraded at catcher last year and allegedly at closer with the addition of Eric Gagne. They are saying this is the year for a playoff run. But they're dealing with some distractions: Prince Fielder's ego, Gagne's flameout in Boston last year and Mike Cameron's 25-game steroid suspension. Will manager Ned Yost survive the season? Wayward O is going to say ... yes. But only if they're sniffing at the Wild Card in September. Wayward O says team's wealth of talent will prevail over wealth of controversy.

PITTSBURGH PIRATES: While Prince Fielder complains in Milwaukee, erstwhile Bucs ace Zach Duke got a pay cut. He's now making the league minimum. Can Matt Morris stabilize rotation and make them respectable? Maybe. But with all the talent and playoff jonesing in this division, Wayward O sees another long summer in Steelertown.

ST. LOUIS CARDINALS: These guys are just weird. And they are weird because they're probably drunk. Right now. Can Rick Ankiel hit 30 home runs and keep the batting average above .270? That will tell the tale.


Predicted Order of Finish:
Cubs
Brewers *
Astros
Cardinals
Reds
Pirates

* wild card contender

divisiOn preview - AL East

Today's die roll came up a 1, which means ... AL East preview. Wayward O knows more about AL East than other divisions but he nevertheless dreads this one. It is not easy for fan of team to place rebuilding team last in division for Lost Season. Perhaps he will not have to.

BALTIMORE ORIOLES: Entire organization seems different this year. What have they really given up in exchange for young kids? A short stop on the way down and career 40-34 lefty with weird attitude and long injury rap sheet. Adam Jones alone could make up for Tejada's
departure. The guy who is REALLY VALUABLE -- Brian Roberts -- is still on team. Most important, manager and general manager seem to finally be in control instead of weird lawyer guy with huge jowls. Jowls and championships don't mix.

BOSTON RED SOX: The Champs stood pat. They were a better team in Octbober than they were in April. In fact, as of last October, Red Sox were one of the finest teams assembled in steroid/post-steroid era. Is the injured Curt Schilling relevant? No. See you, again, in October.

NEW YORK YANKEES: So, let Wayward O see if Wayward O has this straight: Johnny Damon is taking Hideki Matsui's job in right field. And Melky Cabrera is taking Damon's job in center field. That plus two young phenoms is the sum total of New York's "youth movement." Oh and LaTroy Hawkins is the set-up guy. Heh heh, surrre he is. Are Joba Chamberlain and Phil Hughes going to pan out? That, my friend, is the question. Of course they still have Alex Rodriguez, whose crazy talent will mitigate any down year. This team, nevertheless, will likely be on outside looking in during Wild Card crunch.

TAMPA BAY RAYS: Was Saturday's collision at home plate during spring tilt with Yankees a signal to AL East that Rays will be better this year? That's what Rays would like it to be. They got some talent in return for Delmon Young and upgraded at closer. Pencil them in for "out of cellar" -- per the pre-season conventional wisdom. HOWEVER, they have a lot of April games versus Baltimore and the CW will be tested.

TORONTO BLUE JAYS: Addition of utility-man Marco Scutaro is a plus. Addition of Scott Rolen is a ... meh ... probably a plus. Is closer B.J. Ryan healthy? So far, so good. Here's what Wayward O is gonna say: If Ryan gets 38 saves, matching career high, Blue Jays finish in second.
Predicted Order of Finish:
Red Sox
Blue Jays
Yankees
Rays
Team

divisiOn preview - NL West

today's random die roll came up with a six. which means wayward O will preview the NL West. but first, a sea change in jay gibbons' tone, as quoted in today's balto. sun:

"Whatever happens here in the next five weeks or two years, I've made so
many friends and I've had so many good times. If my career ended tomorrow, I'd
be satisfied. I know I've done everything I can, worked as hard as I can and put
it out on the field. I want to be an Oriole and I want to live out my contract,
but it's not up to me." [Story]

jay clearly knows, to paraphrase metallica, for whom the bell tolls.

and now, without further ado, a question for each team in NL West...

ARIZONA DIAMONDBACKS: This is a unique team, with a group of young go-getters on offense and arguably the best starting rotation in the national league -- and that's not even including the possible re-emergence of a newly repaired Big Unit. Will the addition of Dan Haren give them an edge over the Rocks in the regular season? Wayward O thinks it will ... but he worries about a lack of a big slugger.

COLORADO ROCKIES: Was 2007 a bit of a fluke? Yeah. Yeah it was. They'll be in mix with their five 20-home run guys -- Tulo, Helton, Holliday, Hawpe, Atkins -- but the rotation isn't going far after Jeff Francis.

LOS ANGELES DODGERS: Owner Frank McCourt told the L.A. Daily News recently that, "It's time to win." And then, as if inspired, Jeff Kent went out and popped his 40-year-old hammy. Yes, the team got younger in places -- such as catcher and first base -- but a lot depends upon whether Andruw Jones can find his old numbers. New superstar manager Joe Torre can fill the seats but can he help them contend? Answer: If A.J. hits 30 home runs, Torre looks like a genius.

SAN DIEGO PADRES: The Friars were tied with the Rockies after 163 games and 4 extra innings last year before losing in an instant classic. So, what did they do to get better than the Rocks? Not much. Jim Edmonds is already hurt and Greg Maddux, bless him, is 41. If they can stay healthy, they might be able to sniff a wild card. But that would be a long shot.

SAN FRANCISCO GIANTS: Can somebody Fedex Wayward O some garlic fries, but hold the Zito? Wonderful, magical city. Beautiful ballpark. Delicious foods. Cellar ballclub. Noah Lowry, their biggest bright spot from 2007, is already going under the knife.

Predicted Order of Finish:
Diamondbacks
Dodgers * #
Padres #
Rockies #
Giants

* wild card contender
# very tightly bunched

divisiOn preview - AL West

over next seven days wayward O will present "a question for each team" with predicted order of finish for six divisions. and on the seventh day wayward O will give you your '08 postseason predictions. in honor of dead D&D guy, wayward O rolled his trusty six-sided die to determine which division he first shall preview. he rolled a three, which means the AL West goest first.

trust Wayward O, it was fully randOmized.

but first a little message from our sponsor. actually he is not our sponsor, but he is eddie murray, which is, like, even better...



dempsey's army found that one. love how 90s it is. like if spike lee was a baseball fan instead of knicks fan. anyway. sorry. back to AL West & a question for each team:

L.A. ANGELS: Are they still team to best in this division? Answer: With additions of John Garland and Torii Hunter, answer is still yes. Sorry, Seattle. Probably best outfield in MLB.

OAKLAND ATHLETICS: Dan Haren, gone. Nick Swisher, gone. Mark Kotsay & Marco Scutaro, gone. Wow they got rid of everybody. Can they stay out of basement? Only if Jack Cust proves he's the real thing. Doubtful.

SEATTLE MARINERS: They brought in Brad Wilkerson to play RF and upgraded their starting staff with Erik Bedard. But no upgrades at 1B and catcher leave their offense in same gear as last year: good but not Angels good. With Ichiro playing more trying OF position, do his eye-popping offensive stats cool off?

TEXAS RANGERS: The most interesting thing about Rangers is they have two good, young catchers. But with little or no pitching upgrades, look for another less-than-stellar campaign. Can Milton Bradley put together a freakout free year? Doubtful...

Predicted Order of Finish:
Angels
Mariners*
Rangers
Athletics

* wild card contender

sOur grapes

let's draw up handy timeline to see if we can figure out which oriole disparaged organization "off the record" for tom boswell's march 3 column:

feb. 25: team hires young kid to help run organization, further pushing mike flanagan to realm of irrelevance

march 2: team meets up for spring games against nationals and flanagan cozies up to mr. oriole hater himself, tom boswell, remarking on john patterson's arm (on the record) for sunday edition.

march 3: the next day, commenting on spring re-building phase, boswell quotes source as follows: 'we should have done this two or three years ago,' one oriole said this weekend.

conclusion: um. it doesn't take episode of CSI: Baltimore to figure out who his 'oriole' is.

just curiOus...

all today's hoohah in sun about mr. bible & gun makes wayward O hope even more that tike redman becomes starting left fielder. don't get me wrong, everyone is entitled to their opinions and proclivities, but please ... keep it out of the clubhouse.

and then there's this: redman has more potential.

but don't let wayward O's opinion sway your gut feelingz! vote in handy poll and let wayward O who you like. and if you are feeling extra-inspired let wayward O know why in commentz....

thanks, have nice day and GO TEAM. and if you picked "sombody else," please feel free to explain. wayward O figured nobody would actually choose jay gibbons and chris roberson is apparently a year away at least...