.

flOwchart

2008-07-18T11:59:00.006-05:00

wayward o loves team more than almost everything in world except for following things:

family & friends
dip n dotz
potato chips

anyway it made wayward o very sad that wayward o called team "pants crappers" and then left up nasty remarks at top of blog throughout entire all-star break even after flatbrim acquitted himself and team very proudly in all star summer classic.

so and then wayward o starting thinking ... thinking ... tossing and turning ... trying to come to grips with own shame of yelling at beloved team despite love for team and so wayward o devised following chart to properly express feelingz:

See? Not all that complicated.

anyway wayward o apologizes to team for being mad. and he's going to beach to drink beer and relax. good luck, team! xoxo

ps. beat detriot. kick pudge where da sun don't shine.

return Of the pants crappers

2008-07-11T07:07:00.006-05:00

let's recap last week, shall we?

team pulls into 3rd place on 4 july with win over texas. team looks at standings, craps pants, and goes on to lose 5 straight, each loss more hideous than last.

meanwhile other teams in AL East begin going in their accustomed direction; when pressure builds, they start winning.

not our beloved birds though. to be fair our birds are overmatched in the talent department this year: our rote is two solids and three drunks we pulled off broadway after closing time. our bullpen is wracked by injuries. our defense is a couple young stars and two solid vets picking their way through a tangle of driftwood.

wayward o guesses this must be what everyone -- and wayward o means EVERYONE -- predicted going into lost season.

but why must it come on heels of such promise, during SOFT SPOT in schedule prior to all-star break? why indeed friends.

wayward o concludes that pain of past five games simply FEELS WORSE because it comes in STARK RELIEF to pleasure of exceeding expectations for several months.

well team goes to boston and faces buchholz, wakefield and matzusaka before all-star break. these guys are beatable.

maybe diaspora will be favored with more exceeding of expectations and less heartbreak but if team drops red sox series or is swept you can expect free-for-all spiral with tenbagger losing streaks galore going into home stretch.

and if your name isn't guthrie, markakis or jones you might be headed somewhere else.

now if we could only drug rick dempsey and tie him to the bottom of a 747 heading for .... anywhere so long as it's on the far side of a major ocean ... wayward o could probably stomach rest of lOst season in peace. dempsey should be fired immediately. first of all he's incompetent and second of all he thinks it's funny when team loses.

tire tracks acrOss their backs...

2008-07-09T07:29:00.004-05:00

diaspora is throwing many team members under bus today:

1) freddy the bee. level of justification: 58.4%. freddy the bee just put a gaping hole in hull of his major league career with last night's boot. but team's poor play put him in a bad spot to begin with. still, bye-bye isn't showing major league talent with on-field performance. also, terrible camera work in toronto ... very hard to see boot and no replay. WFffT?

2) ramOn. level of justification: 68.1%. hideous throwing error in 7th and just general shittiness seems to pervade his on-field performance sometimes. he's supposed to be a team leader. he's no kid like bye-bye.

3) trembO. level of justification: 6%. sure. fine. blame trem for pulling fahey, who's been hot, for a pinch hitter, jay payton, who had a terrible at-bat. remind manager that payton is a notorious whiner who often sulks in pinch-hitting and other off-the-bench situations. but dave's been doing it all year and often it's worked. fahey and bye-bye are pretty much interchangeable anyway. very hard to blame trembley but you can do it if you try real hard. on side note, trembley's leadership will become more and more crucial as season winds down and team starts limpin' and duckin'.

4) sarfate. level of justification: 4%. hard to blame him. it's sad team has lost matt albers, who was the glue between mid-innings and late innings. sarfate is likely to be more of a situational guy down the road, wayward o will wager.

a couple reasons for hOpe: big bird's ascension continues apace; no more talk of st. guts behing the hard luck loser, please. and maybe this new lefty, alberto castillo, can provide spark for pitching staff.

american league player Of the week

2008-07-08T09:07:00.004-05:00

.345 BA for week of 7/6

bombtrack
fickle fanz forgive AUBREY HUFF because AUBREY HUFF LOVES AMERICA

Balt. Sun Photo
take it out on yankeeraysox!

thOughts

2008-07-05T09:43:00.006-05:00

wayward o left for n'awlins. freddy the bee was sent down. wayward o came back from n'awlins. freddy the bee came back up. freddy the bee had 3 ribs yesterday and i'm not talking about spare ribs. although it's entirely possible that freddy the bee had some spare ribs as well as baseball ribs. how can this team be 3-over .500 on july 5 given its glaring holes? leadership, that's how. trembO and macphail get massive props and the owner even gets a golf clap for staying out of the way (so far).

which leads wayward o to this david eckstein bizness. no. no to eckstein. wayward o has enjoyed watching the eck play hard over last ten years or so for other teams and it's nice he has his world series MVP deal to look back on when he's old. there's no doubt he's a gamer and he is a credit to MLB. but it's not what team needs. it smacks of what team would have done before it committed to rebuilding. the answer is freddy the bee. let him play. let him suck on occasion. but let him play. it's part of the chemistry, somehow.

same was true of luis luis actually.

but the trade deadline is coming and diaspOra is buzzing. who will go? who will stay? who will not go? who will not stay? lots of folks want to see aubrey get traded for prospects. wayward o does not. lots of folks want to see flatbrim get traded ... wayward o is ok with that but he will be sad if it happens. lots of folks want to see memlo get traded ... ain't gonna happen. lots of folks want to see jay payton or luke scott move to a contender for prospects ... yes please! pull the trigger!

at least two MLB players -- josh hamilton in baltimore and coco crisp in new york's yankee stadium -- were seen REPLACING OUTFIELD DIVOTS yesterday after sliding catches*. was there a secret MLB memo about replacing divots? how do such notions come into fashion after hundred years of neglect?

this is ridiculous. games like this should serve as a warning to baseball people who want to continue expansion. are there any of those?

that is all. please hit wayward o with your brilliant baseball musings in comments area and in addition, enjoy those leftovers.

* yes, coco's catch was legit despite ongoing attempt by baseball umpires to f&ck over anybody who plays yankees.

team interns are pOlite but penniless

2008-07-04T11:14:00.004-05:00

this email exchange will SHOCK BASEBALL WORLD:

2 July 10:36 a.m.
to: Wayward O
from: team intern
Hi.
I am currently updating our email contacts list and I wanted to make sure that this is still your current email address. If you could please email the Baltimore Orioles PR Department back at this address: [redacted] and confirm that this is still your current email ... that would be very helpful.
Thank you and have a pleasant day.
[redacted]
PR Intern

2 July 6:01 p.m.
to: team intern
from: Wayward O
Hello [redacted].
Yes, this is correct e-mail address of Wayward O.How are you today? Do you get free Dip n Dotz as MLB intern?
All the Best,
-- t.w.o.

2 July 6:53 p.m.
to: Wayward O
from: team intern
i'm good. thank you for your response. no, unfortunately, to the free dip n dots.

3 July 8:42 a.m.
to: team intern
from: Wayward O
I urge you to hold out for free Dip n Dotz. Think of future interns! Viva la Revolucion!

imagine TOILING AWAY in summer heat knowing delicious cold treat is available on ALL CONCOURSES and yet not having FUNDS to AVAIL ONESELF! pure torture. everybody knows dip n dot prices FLUCTUATE with other commodities such as BRENT CRUDE and COTTON CANDY.

sidney is the tunguska cOmet

2008-07-03T14:18:00.002-05:00

june 30, 1908 --> july 3, 2008

so much CONTEXTUAL REPERCUSSIONS

the ascensiOn finds the rails again

2008-07-03T10:44:00.006-05:00

it kind of feels like early july -- you know, when things kind of hit the flat highway and teams' true natures become a reliable fact -- but trust wayward o many things are happening in world of baseball.

for example, many players in recent games have leapt in the air in attempts to catch fly balls, with varying degrees of art and success. here are three examples:

LEAP No. 1

Joey Gathright goes wayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy up,
saves home run but Young Savior still gets ribby triple.
LEAP No. 2

Balt. Sun Photo
This photo is a tad misleading.
Aubrey is actually flying downward from upper deck and lighting upon the infield with grace of sparrow.

LEAP No. 3

In this triple-action still, a feral Brionius Robertsinous is seen in wild leaping twenty feet in air to snare prey.
in addition to these leaps, which you may critique in designated comments area below, the ascensiOn of BIG BIRD came back with fury last night after a june hiatus. who would begrudge a man a few weeks off in june? daniel's complete game gem was rewarded by VERY EMO MANANGER with BEAR HUG and that's what makes baseball world go around not BIG FREE AGENT CONTRACTS.

Another awesome photo from awesome Balt. Sun!
this is not to be confused with this photo, which wayward o cannot study enough ....

The beady eyes, the slack jaw...
a portrait of the greek ideal of dumbness. not just a dumb act. not just a dim wit. not just a failure to learn. but an all-encompassing, all-consuming gravitational forcefield of dumb from which no man can look away. avert your eyes, children!

hOvering

2008-06-30T17:49:00.006-05:00

wayward o is back from n'awlins. he knows all city's hot spots now. first off is MAPLE LEAF bar go there on a TUESDAY NIGHT and you will meet RABBIT the bouncer. he is OLD FRIEND and POKER BUDDY of NEWLY SIGNED ORIOLE RYAN O'SHEA. those louisiana boys can play some hardball. on tuesday night you will also hear REBIRTH BRASS BAND. those fellers can honk.

this is special picture of french quarter at night time. what is so rare as night in june? AN ORIOLE SUNDAY WIN, THAT'S WHAT!

N'Awlins
also wayward o met a famous RUGBY PLAYER ... daragh hurley from the munster, ireland team. a nicer guy you shall not meet. he was hanging around with a very pretty lady at THE WORLD FAMOUS APPLE BARREL on frenchman street which is BEST BAR IN WORLD.

here are THREE RESTAURANTS at which you MUST EAT if you go dere:

BAYONA,
JACQUES IMOS
and DICK and JENNY'S

... tell 'em the Wayward O sent ya! (and that won't mean anything but it will be random and funny.)

team seemed to hover just above .500 for last week or so ... nice series win vs. cubbies. lacking direction is a good thing especially when direction is DOWN. yesterday was a let-down but it happens georgie boy. shake it off.

very much looking forward to tonight's game and quiet night with baseball. also wayward O will eat nothing but CARROT STICKS for a few weeks until ADDED BACKFAT from TRIP TO BIG EASY is GONE.

checking Out

2008-06-23T06:19:00.005-05:00

hello. wayward o is sad that freddy the bee was sent down. surely there was some misunderstanding. or perhaps freebie was simply 'misunderestimated.' anyway ... we'll see us some freddy again soon. probably not long after oscar salazar actually plays short for the first time as a reserve.

after series with cubs team plays nats, rangers, royale, jays and red sox before all star break. that's two really good clubs and four beatable clubs. that means team should be above .500 at all-star break.

wayward o is checking out until june 30 ... flying down to n'awlins to see what that's all about. will be checking box scores on handy telephone that also has the infernets on it. if you know any great spots in big easy, don't keep 'em to yourselves!

audiOfile, part 4

2008-06-20T09:51:00.007-05:00

baseball team is not stingy with magic! here is game-winner from night where wayward O was in attendance - in super club suite thanks to well-connected friends of wayward o (f.o.w.o.s.). it's like they say in SONG --- YUO MAKE MAGIC HaPPEN especially on RETRO CAP NIGHT and $2 NaTTY BO day at Pickles. Oh Wait that's every day in Land of Pleasant Living...

sorry about poor video quality! in fact do not EVEN WATCH VIDEO. who cares? much more important is that DARVIN HAM from the WUZZNarTZZ i mean WIZZNUTZZ has been digging around in VIRTUAL CRATES and he has found actual .mp3 of ORIOLES MAGIC THEME SONG ripped FROM ORIGINAL 45 VINYL!!!

Orioles vinyl ... feel it happen!
listen/downloaddon't forget to say "thanks" in commentz!
OMG-WTF-BBQ that FRENCH HORN INTRO is enough to make EDDIE MURRAY'S FRO stand on end!

download and enjoy and to one particular F.O.W.O. who suggested that there is NO NEW INFORMATION ON SITE, put that in your pipe and smoke it!! and put it in your ipOd -- or should wayward o say opOd -- and listen to it.

and to SUITE OWNERS, sorry there may not be any more MGD's in your FRIDGE. it's not my fault!!

and to MILWAUKEE BREWERS i worry a little about upcoming series but not too much.

and if you think that was a LUCKY DIG by darvin boy are you mistaken. and you have never been to see GOD SHAMMGOD'S MIXTAPE (not to be confused with TIM SHAMSTOPPARD and DON SHAMAASE) your home for all things MD/DC/VA sports oriented and many other nuggetzz to boot!

PS. and lastly to CATONSVILLE YOUTH RED SOX!! YOU RULE THOSE OTHER GUYS JUST LUCKED OUT ANY GIVEN DAY!!!!!!

this, that and the Other...

2008-06-18T09:25:00.007-05:00

wayward o doesn't consider it to be a comeback unless team comes back at least twice and, more aptly, thrice.

also there was so much melmOsity at yard last night. it was as if a melmostic weather front set in and held sway over all things!

and nick markakis can't hit with two strikes. why is that? but he can hit with every other amount of strikes. perhaps it is something that ... um ... er ... a COACH might want to address?

we have some very special posts in pipeline but traveling is cutting into blog schedule. so for now just words. boring, boring words. but lately there has been SO MUCH TRAFFIC and SO MUCH COMMENTS on site! this makes wayward o's heart very full with melmoliciousness and also feels as if one too many boog sandwiches was eaten. but please keep 'em coming and tell wayward o what is what! preferably also do so after several frosty beverages have loosed your TRUE THOUGHTS on crucial matters such as whether Oscar Salazar could beat Kevin Millar at Wii arm-wrestling!

also wayward o will finally make it to yard tonight! this means team will lose 2-1. or something. no wait, they will win! no wait they will ... I DON'T KNOW! anyway it has been long road since knee operation and it's nice to be getting on track.

ps. how did yamkeys get to be five games over .500? it matters not.

last chance to stOp the madness...

2008-06-14T07:46:00.007-05:00

here are just a few scenarios for MLB to think about before implementing video replay:

batter hits a ball down line, barely fair, but umpire calls it foul. batter keeps running but defense doesn't play the ball because of the foul call. batter scores on an inside-the-park home run. replays show ball was fair. can you take the run off the board? where do you put the batter? 2nd? and how long will it take to sort it out after both managers have hissy fits?
batter hits squibber behind bag at first, runs down line until umpire calls it foul. first baseman, sure it's actually fair, plays the ball and tags the batter out. replay shows ball was fair. is batter out? and how long will it take to sort it all out?
a batter gets screwed over a couple times on replay calls and, not wanting to get screwed again, refuses to stop running every time he hits one near the line regardless of the call.

surely there are more scenarios like that. if you think of one, let fly in comments.

just to be clear. this stuff

is GOING TO HAPPEN (assuming any extensive replay system is adopted)
and it's going to happen in IMPORTANT GAMES
and it gives the UMPIRE MORE POWER, not less
and it will take MORE TIME, not less
because they will have to make JUDGMENT CALLS about what WOULD HAVE HAPPENED.

in wayward oriole's opinion it's a massive cluster(bomb) waiting to happen. the players need to trust the umps, for better or worse. the replay will undermine players' trust in the umps and force them to make their own decisions in "real-time" as to whether balls are fair or foul.

9:46 a.m. update: thanks to hans bungle for pointing out that replay right now seems only to involve questionable home run calls (i'm wary). hans bungle is a yankee fan so he rarely comments here but it's usually worth reading.

diaspOra, part 7

2008-06-13T09:42:00.005-05:00

name: unknown
location: bronx-bound 4 train in lower manghattan
status: unknown

gear of choice: fitted wool alternate Os cap with matching polo tee (nice)
quote: unavailable
wayward o says: possible fan, possible fashion statement, maybe bOth

Open thread

2008-06-09T09:18:00.003-05:00

wayward O is enjoying team's road trip, working on new melmOmeter reading and also preparing fresh MLB-wide post. but wayward O works slowly and also is distracted by soccer at moment. what's on your mind today?

11:48 a.m. update: apparently eric bedard took himself out of a 1-1 game up in boston yesterday having thrown 99 pitches and rumor has it the seattles might be shopping him ahead of the july deadline.

rOster changes

2008-06-04T07:55:00.004-05:00

these two .gifs kind of remind wayward o of luis hernandez' time in majors this year:

each portrays a child, unaware of true depths of surroundings, beset by ill fOrtune and yet doggedly attempting to persist, survive, and even smile.

luis' struggles are metaphor for sad beauty of life's rich pageant. and also his failures open door for freddy the bee. who is awesomer than an august cumulonimbus cloud about to shake the chesapeake to its core.

speaking of awesome portent, this note, in balto. sun, is the larger truth as lost season continues apace:

With rookie reliever Jim Johnson winning Monday night against the Boston Red
Sox [and Radhames Liz' win Tuesday night], the Orioles had pitchers earn their first major league victories in consecutive games for the first time since Sept. 1-2, 1978, when Dave Ford and Sammy Stewart beat the Chicago White Sox on back-to-back nights, according to the Elias Sports Bureau.

our time is coming, friends. our time is coming.

baltimOre

2008-06-01T08:35:00.005-05:00

wayward O is delighted to read this morning that 'baltimore' will be back on team's road jerseys. that way everyone will know where orioles are from!

and team won't be retarted anymore, bucking ancient MLB tradition in favor of newbie owner's silly dream of marketing to midlantic region.

thank goodness for this news because listening to 'sweet caroline' playing at yard last night was almost more than wayward o could bear. don't ever say that pete the owner doesn't know how to chase down a dollar.

of course perhaps playing bosox song is a CHALLENGE to team's fans to come to YARD. maybe but wayward o isn't feeling all that conspiratOrial today. anyway it's probably a fine time to AGAIN DEBUNK misnomer so often stated on-air when boston visits balto.: the red sox fans are not coming down from boston. FOR THE LAST TIME, THEY LIVE IN MD/DC AREA AND WORK AT FED. who would want to live in boston?* the pay sucks and the winter lasts until june 15th... but they have lots of GUILT and the ROMANTICIZE boston so they CHANNEL that through BASEBALL TEAM. for more on this please re-visit last year's interlopers post.

here's some sketch-age on team members, based on their performance so far, placed in seven categories:

EXCELLING: big bird, george sherrill, brian roberts, albers

ALMOST BUT NOT QUITE EXCELLING: garrett olson

STREAKY BUT TOTALLY STILL THE MAN: the young savior

HOLDING THEIR OWN: burress, guthrie, melmO, huff, paytOn, sarfate, quirOz, walker, bradfOrd, luke scOtt

GETS PASS FOR ENTIRE SEASON: adam jOnes, jim johnsOn aka young houdini, freebie, luis hernandez

BARELY ADEQUATE: ramOn, cintrOn, cOrmier

BELOW the WATERLINE: millar, trachsel

kevbo, you know wayward O likes ya but damn. you're killing team on basepaths, on defense and on offense. play hard. it's ok. we'll always appreciate what you done for team during lost season.

overall there's so many reasons for hope. and just one or two more upgrades, either from farm or from league, and team will be hitting on at least four cylinderzzzz.

* actually boston ain't so bad, really...

harvey kOrman

2008-05-30T06:58:00.002-05:00

actors come and actors go but nobody ever made wayward o laugh like harvey korman.

and here's one more ...

rest in peace.

bOnanza!

2008-05-28T08:47:00.007-05:00

terry crowley is redeemed. not just as result of last night's homerfest, but because he apparently

INSPIRED YOUNG SAVIOR

on monday as well.

also there was so much melmOsity in tuesday night/wednesday morning's game!! especially when our melmodramatic third baseman ROLLED OVER HOME PLATE IN 11th with TYING RUN!! Look at the pain! And the suffering:

melmOdrama!
and how many times must aubrey huff come up huge? he has carried team on back the last couple of ... well really since season began.

and how many times will you see a 4-2-5 double play? alex rodriguez said after game the brian roberts was "lucky" to snag his hot shot to second base. maybe, but he made the play. you know who didn't make a play? derek jeter. he was asleep between second and third and didn't get over in time.

as gary thorne said after alex cintron's winning hit, "an amazing night."

also we have a special diaspOra post to add to day's amazing news!

from the Daily News
name: fabOlous
location: miami
gear choice: looks like an orange ornithologically correct team cap
status: possible Os fan, though searches show he wears many hats
quote: unavailable
wayward o says: you know bird is ascendant when hipster rappers are getting on board!

funny, like the Offense itself

2008-05-25T08:15:00.005-05:00

we've all heard the weaver rant, right? so how did it bleed into a live yankee broadcast?

(via some other blogs)

wayward O isn't 100% sure this actually happened. but fairly sure. 92% sure. did anyone actually witness this?

watch your back, crow. earl was joking when he recorded the rant but your job status ain't funny right now.

destrOying a game

2008-05-24T08:10:00.006-05:00

when wayward O goes on team blogs today and reads fans saying team shouldn't be mad about last night's umpiring because they're not scoring enough runs, he simply can't believe his eyes.

are fans suggesting team should win 8-0 every night? for the love of god that's not baseball! baseball is supposed to be taut. and the sport is set up to allow teams to come through in clutch. which is exactly what aub. did last night. and his performance was swept away by a capricious umpire.

and many orioles fans blithely discount it --- because team didn't already have a bunch of runs?

disgusting. what kind of fans are these, anyway?

the only last question remaining about last night's disgusting display of umpiring in tampa bay is: was it done purposefully? and the evidence leads wayward O to a disturbing conclusion: yes, it very possibly was. look especially at image no. 3 and you'll see why.

1. Aubrey comes up big. You can see
the ball in fair territory. It's the white
smudge to right of first baseman.

2. Another look. Ball clearly,
and I mean CLEARLY fair.

3. Umpire Ed Hickox looking directly at
fair ball, signalling foul. John Shelby
giving Aubrey the sign to run.

4. Aubrey can't believe the call.
AND WHY SHOULD HE?

5. TrembO and Aubrey argue their case.

6. The guilty party stands alone.

Here's the video, too.

All that said, Wayward O still isn't a fan of replay. What's going to happen? Aubrey is going to keep running, Tampa Defenders aren't going to play the ball. Aubrey is going to run all the way to home plate? And the game is going to be delayed a half hour and melt down into a giant mess.

No. Wayward O wants some umpires who know their jobs and aren't blind and stupid.

measuring melmOsity

2008-05-20T10:26:00.004-05:00

Wayward O blew 45% of 2008 capital budget hiring SCIENCE EDITOR but expense has PAID OFF as we have determined crucial new calculus for determining Melmo's Mental States. Measuring Melmosity, it turns out, is as easy as counting Melmonions in Melmo's BLOOD STREAM. Third baseman's Melmonian count seems to vary as a direct result of team's on-field performance, which is a GOOD THING.

Science editor is VERY EXCITED TO BEGIN REGULAR READINGS but regrets only that we LACK BASELINE from:

playoff days with Mets
2005 meltdOwn

that notwithstanding, we press on in name of discovery!

Recently, while dreaming of playoffs, a sleeping Melmo's Melmonion count spiked above 138 but soon returned to normal Melmonian levels upon waking. Currently, science editor suspects 83-level reflects overall excitement about team but some trepidation after being nipped by Nats on GETAWAY DAY and upcoming trip to YANKEE STADIUM.

eight bucks fOr what?

2008-05-18T08:35:00.005-05:00

Wayward O urges diaspora to read this revealing article in today's Daily News:

Secret Papers Show How Yankees Became Richest Team in Sports

fascinating.

now if you want to argue about how Yankees are ... um ... basically raping New York City to tune of hundreds of millions, you can, for sure. counter argument would go along these lines: Yankees bring uncounted revenue back to city by creating other streams of revenue besides just rent on Stadium. like for example, just think about MIKE MUSSINA'S TAXES!

mOre fun

2008-05-15T08:56:00.008-05:00

"I slid for it and had it in my glove,
but my knee hit the glove and it came out"
- Dustin Pedroia

CHOKER! NO FLAG!!!

- AP

LUCKY CATCH! ONE FLAG!!!

- via Enchanting Sunshine

PUMMELED, BOOTED! TWO FLAGS!!!*

- Balt. Sun

GRAND SLAM! SIX FLAGS!!!

* though Wayward O does not personally engage in or condone such behavior, he can't deny sometimes it feels good see justice dispensed

time heals all wOunds

2008-05-14T08:47:00.005-05:00

some clutch hits.

some clanky mitts.

some orioles MAGIC from YOUNG HOUDINI sometimes known as JIM JOHNSON!

some FLAT BRIMS!

sOlidarity
what a difference a year makes!

note to jim palmer: those fans were saying "luuuuuke." um. after luuuuke's home run. no sabe? palmer groused on MASN "you've got a lot of red sox fans booing" as scott circled bases last night.